SATIRE - The new law makes it easy to understand: descendants of Italian citizens born on a full moon or on dates with odd numbers (except for months beginning with J and M, in which case even numbers qualify instead—so long as they are below 10 or above 26), are now eligible for Italian citizenship.
All applicants must provide proof they don’t not have good vibes and will be subject to an algebra and/or Microsoft Excel proficiency test.
“We’ve heard the criticisms loud and clear,” said an Italian Government spokesperson, “These changes remove layers of bureaucracy.
“Furthermore, it’s never been easier to make an appointment with the Italian Consulate,” they announced.
“Simply head to the coordinates 35°03’21.3”S 143°12’37.4”E and cross the bridge.
“There, you will come across a troll with a penchant for trivia.
“You will need to answer his three questions correctly. While we can’t give you the questions beforehand, we can advise they will be on general knowledge, geography and ‘80s pop music,” the spokesperson revealed.
“Once the third question is answered correctly, you will be given a code to make an appointment.
“Please, only submit the code on the consular website between 6:13-6:26 a.m. on a Monday or every first and third Thursday—or your application will be denied.”
The changes have been met with acclaim. “This is such an improvement,” said one applicant, “The troll was actually really helpful and polite.”
