After starting Affinity Therapy in June 2025, Rosano quickly found her niche – people in the midst of a breakup. “With my client load, I do see a lot of people in their 20s and 30s navigating relationship traumas or breakups,” she shares, “And I think I’ve just developed an interest in it over time.”
Rosano helps clients using two of her preferred methods - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Behavioural Cognitive Therapy (CBT).
“Both of them are a little bit different, but very similar in terms of navigating negative thoughts and feelings,” she explains.
“I think a lot of the time, during a breakup specifically, thoughts about someone [else] or themselves are brought up and can be related back to traumas, abandonment wounds, childhood experiences or even just past experiences [in general].
“So, I tend to use CBT or ACT to help them move through those feelings, challenge them and then come up with healthy alternatives.
“ACT helps create a bit of distance, and with that [distance] I’ll help with emotional regulation [as the client is] sitting with [the feelings that emerge]; it’s very common for people not to want to sit with it, because it doesn’t feel nice.
“CBT has its challenges,” she reveals, “If you’re very much intertwined with the thoughts and can’t challenge them, it can be very difficult to develop a different, alternative thought.
“If someone has a core belief or just a negative thought about themselves, [like] that they’re not good enough or that they’re worthless, we would look at the evidence for and against these thoughts.
“I think it’s more about developing a balanced and realistic perspective on that thought and then coming up with healthy alternatives.
“So maybe it’s not me that’s worthless, but maybe the other person didn’t know how to treat me right, or they weren’t meeting my needs - it moves to a more balanced point of view.”
Rosano believes that in the process of working through a breakup, some clients come to realise that aspects of the relationship weren’t ideal to begin with.
“I think it comes down to a little bit of shame sometimes as well,” she says, “[Some people] blame themselves or personalise what was going on in the relationship.
“It’s not until they speak through it that [they see] there’s actually a lot more happening there.”
Obviously going through heartbreak isn’t fun, but, according to Rosano, one of the positives it can yield for people coming out of unhealthy relationships is that it gives them the opportunity to rediscover who they are.
“Especially with the long-term relationships, people’s identities are sometimes based on their relationships,” she says.
“So, when it ends, people don’t know what they’re doing. I think in that case, again, ACT can be helpful, because it’s about committing to your values and making decisions aligned with those values.
“I think being able to reflect on what’s most important to the person in their relationships and in their life can help them rediscover who they are and what their identity is.”
As expected, Rosano believes social media can hinder the healing of a broken heart.
“[On social media], we only see what people want us to see,” she states, “If one partner is showing one thing and the other partner is not experiencing that, there can be a lot of negative thoughts activated - a lot of negative feelings.
“I think social media can sometimes complicate healing and it can make detaching from the relationship and the person quite difficult.
“With posts in particular, we have digital memories all throughout our feeds. We can also fall into that habit of monitoring our exes - checking what they’re up to, if they’ve posted anything, if they’ve commented on anything - and then if they’ve commented on or viewed your own story, you can misinterpret that action and what it means.
“The thing with algorithms is the more you view something on social media, the more it’s going to show up, so it makes it very hard to distance yourself from that relationship and that person.”
So, when going through a breakup, what does the psychologist think about the decision between staying in touch or going cold turkey?
“I think removing contact can help,” she says, “It can really help you reflect on the relationship.
“Consider deleting old posts [of them]. If you really don’t want to delete them, then potentially archive them.
“But you want to avoid constant reminders. Some people will block or mute the posts, and some people will take a break from social media. But I think limiting how much you’re checking up on them is helpful.”
When you’re experiencing heartbreak, Rosano says it’s important to try to view the relationship as objectively as possible.
“I think when reflecting on the relationship, look at both the positives and the negatives,” she explains.
“When we’re in the depths of that grief, we can see the relationship as an ideal, and we can only remember the good times, especially when we’re missing someone - and that can make you want to reconnect with the ex.
“But you’re ignoring everything that maybe wasn’t right or wasn’t working for you.
“It’s important to reflect on both the positives and negatives and what you want from your life - and if that [relationship] actually was fitting with it.”
